Same here. I really should have believed him when he showed me his true colors early on. And I really, really should have believed him when he kept showing me who he was (and who he wasn’t).
Ever the optimist, though, I believed him when he said he was aware of his issues and wanted help. I feel like a fool when I say I really had no idea I was getting myself into a “project” and an impossible one at that.
Nearly all the issues you raised were a problem for him — except I was the one with the project. It took me 7 years to finally give up waiting for this grown man to get his act together, but separating from an economically abusive relationship is easier said than done when you don’t realize what’s happening until your own resources are depleted.