Thank you for sharing your honest self-assessment and reflections on what it took for you to finally seek change.

I really hope the people who most need to learn from this will actually read it and take it heart.

Personally, when I share self-improvement stories like this with my loved one, it’s like trying to communicate with a brick wall. And when they realize they must act or else, they do just enough for the conflict to end but not enough to repair the damage or to prevent it from happening again. It’s like putting a band-aid on a broken pipe — like not even bothering with ducktape or cement glue. It’s like pretending the fridge isn’t broken, refusing to hire a professional, refusing to work as a team for DIY repairs, refusing to even consult a manual, and meanwhile constantly complaining about the rotten food and the stench.

Your story does help me to better understand how my loved one might be feeling, but it’s hard to continue to be patient when they lack any insight or self-awareness whatsoever. The pandemic pushed them to finally seek crisis counseling on their own, but they are still procrastinating on following up with therapy and they are not interested in a support group. They clearly only read anything to appease me, and I have to pick out the articles! When they claim to acknowledge they need help, I wonder if they’re just saying what they think I want to hear.

I’m not trying to “fix” this person myself — just trying to support them in getting help.

I’ve joined a support group myself already — everyone in the group is caring for a spouse, sibling, 18+ child, parent, or other adult relative with inadequately treated mental illness.

I’m not really in a position to just leave or to just put them out (although I’m not ruling out the possibility). I have to wonder if continuing to “be there” for this person is helping or hurting the situation.

I’ve tried the ultimatum — “get help or else,” but they’re calling my bluff at this point.

Are they really going to seek professional help — and take it seriously — as long as they know deep down I’m not actually going anywhere?

I realize I might actually have to jump ship for the sake of my own sanity, but is it realistic for me to expect this person to grow up just a little bit in the meantime??

Queer Black Woman w/ Disabilities and Indigenous Roots | Health educator & former healer now healing herself | Quora @April-M-Hamm | LinkedIn @April-Hamm #WEOC

Queer Black Woman w/ Disabilities and Indigenous Roots | Health educator & former healer now healing herself | Quora @April-M-Hamm | LinkedIn @April-Hamm #WEOC