This part is tough for many people. Without years of prior therapy, many people lack the self-awareness — the “emotional intelligence” if you will — to have any clue at all about their own wants and needs.
Moreover, people who struggle with self-awareness tend not be strong communicators. When they try to express themselves, it just comes out as yelling and crying — or worse, guessing games like silent treatment, temper tantrums, and micro-aggressive behaviors like innapropriate sarcasm and intentional forgetting.
Support groups and individual coaching and counseling can help, but at the end of the day, the person has to desire self-improvement enough to implement change before they can accept help and begin the process.